RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

So the other day I woke up with the overwhelming feeling to run from my "problems". Usually I am pretty much a tackle what you got going on and make it work, but not yesterday, I just wanted it all to disappear! I said well if you feel like running,Sarah, then running is what we shall do! I got out of bed, put my socks and sneakers on and walked out the door. I probably would have ran forever had my treadmill not been on my back deck, so instead of running on the road I hopped on the treadmill. I put the earbuds in and cranked up Here I am by the Gospel Light Baptist church choir. I cranked up the dial to a whopping 4.3 mph, which happens to be as fast as I can run at the moment. (I know, slow but try to give me a break!) Then I took off! I ran for as long as I could and then when I couldn't run I walked. It sure felt good to let it loose for a little bit, but after about 30 minutes and 2 miles I finally decided I had better stop running and face what ever my day brought me. By that night I was just wishing I had kept running!

The feeling of complete failure in life had begun to overwhelm me. There are few things I feel like I am doing good right now and for a "type A" personality like myself this feeling is VERY disheartening! If I cannot do it good then why do it at all... right? Well, that is what the devil had convinced me was the truth. With little ability to persuade myself to "cheer up" I went to bed feeling like a failure.

The next morning when I woke up there was that feeling again... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! But I could not run, I had too much reality to deal with that running was not an option. I pushed through that day crying most of the way, but I pushed. I drug myself to church. The preacher preached on Job and the "sabeans" and how this might be bad but it might get worse.  I got angry at the man preaching that night! (I know go figure... what did HE do to ME!) The more he talked the madder I got. I literally wanted to throw the song book at him! (in christian love of corse!!)  I did not want to hear that this might be preparing me for something worse...Although I know what he was saying could be true in my situation, I don't want this to be the sand hill before the mountain or the tempest before the euroclydon! I don't even want to think about what could be worse because right now this hurts really bad!  To say I was nothing but a pile of emotions would have been be quite accurate.

Throughout this past week I have gotten up every morning with the same feeling flooding my body: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! I have run more in this last week than I have since the seventh grade! I pray daily that the "fight or flight" response in my body would get lost, but until then I have tried very hard to find the things I am doing good and focus on doing them better.

 I have found great peace in washing dishes because I there is no walking from room to room and getting distracted. I can easily accomplish the task. I enjoy standing at the sink and watching the "happenings" in the yard! The birds and squirrels busy about their business and the leaves blowing across the yard.
 
I have recently started reading a chapter book with my kids, The Prodigal Cat by Janette Oke. I love to just shut out the rest of the world and snuggle up next to them and just read away! This makes me feel like, if nothing else, I have accomplished being a loving mommy.

I do my best to not let my house be quiet. When my house is quiet my mind takes over so : when I walk I listen to uplifting spirit filled music. When the kids are doing quiet stuff I play music in the house. When the kids are napping I plug in the head phones and listen to preaching from Fellowship Baptist Church of Durham NC. on fbcofdurham.org. I try my hardest to avoid letting my mind take over my day.

Probably the 2 most effective things to helping me deal with the overwhelming feelings is to #1 RUN! Like I said before I have not really ran since I was in track and field in the 7th grade. It is something I do not understand, but when I get done running on the treadmill it is easier to walk back through the door and face my day.  And #2 do an assessment. I ask myself "Did you get enough rest?" and "could this all be hormones?" when the answer to these are "no" and "yes" I try to cut myself some slack and realize tomorrow is a new day! I also try to remember the points to a very helpful sermon Preached by Dr. Rick Finley from Acts 27  "When Sailing is Dangerous" which is available by download as an audio sermon at fbcofdurham.org
1. When sailing is dangerous you gotta be patient
James chapter 1:1-4
2.When sailing is dangerous you gotta keep the right perspective
Acts 27:10
3.When sailing is dangerous you gotta be selective whose advice your gonna listen to.
Acts 27:11
4.When sailing is dangerous you gotta move slowly
Acts 27: 12-13
5.When sailing is dangerous realize it could be worse
Acts 27:13- 14
6.When sailing is dangerous don't lose your faith in God
Acts 27:21- 25
You are gonna make it...
Acts 27:44 "And the rest, some on boards, and some on broken pieces of the ship. And so it came to pass, that they escaped all safe to land."

So what do you do when all you want to do is run away?? To be honest I don't know... but I know God does, so if I just stay put, keep looking to Him for my strength, and filling my mind with  godly things one day the feeling to escape is going to not be so overwhelming. I know I am going to make it... I might be floating on a piece of wood to the other side, but I will make it!